Hypnosis For Kids - Reframing

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20 Ways to Reframe Failure

Toxic Thought: "Whenever I don't succeed, it really bothers me. It makes me feel like a failure. I just hate not reaching my goals."

Formula - The Toxic Magic

"Don't reach a goal" (external behavior) = "Feel like a failure" (internal state)

1. Reframe the External Behavior

The significance of not reaching your goal means that you have received information about numerous ways that will not get you there. Now you can feel free to explore new possible avenues.

2. Reframe the Internal State

Interesting that you say that. What I really find as a failure - and I mean failure with a big F - occurs when someone doesn't reach a goal and then just sits down in the dirt and quits, and won't learn or try again.

3. Reflexively Apply to Self

Does that mean if you don't reach your goal in presenting this limiting and painful belief to me, that just talking to me will turn you into a failure?

4. Reflexively Apply to Listener

Then with that way of thinking about things, if I don't succeed in coming up with a good way of responding and helping you with this distress, I will become a big failure also! In other words, my success or failure as a human being depends on succeeding in this conversation in just the right way?

5. Counter-Example Framing

When you think about some of your successes, and how good and resourceful you feel about them, you mean if you mispronounced a word, or failed in any aspect of any goal surrounding that, that such would turn you into a failure?

6. Positive Prior Intentional Framing

Reaching the goals that you set for yourself must mean a lot to you. I can imagine that you take that view in order to protect yourself from messing things up and for pushing yourself to higher levels. And since you want that, perhaps some other attitudes about failure might help you to really succeed in your goals.

7. Positive Prior Causation Framing

It seems important to you to set and reach goals. So you probably have taken on this limiting belief because you have had some painful experiences and you want to protect yourself against more pain. I wonder what other beliefs you could build that you would find more effective than this one?

8. First Outcome

What results for you when you move through life defining experiences and yourself as "failures" just because you don't reach a goal as you want to? Do these serve you well in setting and reaching goals or in feeling successful? Do you like those negative unresourceful feelings?

9. Outcome of Outcome

Imagine going out, say five or even ten years from now, after you have defined every unsuccessful attempt at reaching a goal as turning you into a failure, and then living from that failure identity and feeling unresourceful ... what will come out of that? Will you take as many risks? What other outcomes from feeling like a failure would probably result?

10. Eternity Framing

When I think about this and wonder what you will think when you look back on this belief about failure when you step over into eternity, how you will think and feel about this limiting belief as you moved through life?

11. Chunking Down

As you think about something for which you define yourself as a failure, how do you represent this? What pictures, sounds, feelings, and words do you use? How do you represent the action of failing at one thing as "making" you a failure?

12. Reality Strategy Chunk Down

Since you seem to have bought into this way of viewing things, help me to understand this. How specifically does failing at one thing on a particular day make you a failure? What do you see first, then what do you say about that, and next?

13. Abstracting the External Behavior or Internal State

So as you think about not reaching a goal and labeling it as making you a "failure", I take it that you do this a lot? You take a specific instance and over-generalize it into a whole category? And you do this so successfully, don't you? Would you like to fail at this success?

14. Model of the World Framing

What an interesting way to think about events and in overloading them with meaning! Do you know where you got this map where one unsuccess equals failing? Do you know that most people don't use that map to torture themselves?

15. Criteria / Value Framing

When you think about your values of enjoying life, appreciating people, doing your best, etc., do you not think of those values as more important than making the "success?failure" judgment about every action?

16. Allness Framing

So since everybody has failed at something at some time in life, that must make everybody on this planet a failure!

17. Have-To Framing

What would it feel like for you if you did not evaluate events in terms of success or failure? What would happen if you didn't do that?

18. Identity Framing

What an interesting belief about your self-identity - so totally dependent on your behaviors. Do you know where you got this mental map? Did you install it yourself or did someone else?

19. Ecology Framing

How enhancing do you think this belief serves people just learning a new skill, trying a new sport, taking a risk and practicing a new social behavior? Would you recommend this belief as a way for them to succeed with greater ease and positive feelings? Does it empower or limit your endeavors?

20. Metaphoring / Storying and Restorying Framing

So the day that you brushed your hair but did not get every single hair on your head in just the right way that you wanted them, that also made you a failure?

When my daughter Jessica turned nine months, she began the process of learning to walk, but she couldn't walk upon the first attempt - nor upon the first hundred attempts. She constantly fell down. And she would sometimes cry. But most of the time she would just get up and try again. As she did, she learned more and she developed more strength in her legs, and more balance and movement, so that eventually she got the hang of it, and had a lot of fun in the process. And I wonder if this says anything that you can take and apply to yourself now.

ref. Mind-Lines